"The Things You Own, End Up Owning You"

"How do I obtain happiness?"

This question has haunted me for lifetimes it seems. I've never been satisfied with the way I live my life; always worried about what the future holds, and this constant fear has limited my perceptions to what life truly is. This was not self wrought, this was generations of people with the fear of insecurity forcing their influence and settlement on us.

"You need a job." "You need medical insurance incase of an injury." "Save your money." "You should get these new video games." "Wouldn't a new car be great?" "How will you afford school?" "You need to prepare for your future." "You should buy this." "You should wait." "Better safe than sorry." "You could have this if you saved your money."

"This is the way to lead a full life."

It's taken me years to come to an answer, but I finally see through it all. "Return it all to nothingness." Everything I've bought and added to my life has done nothing but made me happy temporarily. These material possessions we so desperately cling onto, hoping to make our lives a little more satisfying blind us from what truly matters and what is truly there to bring peace and happiness to our lives. And even worse is now we don't know how or want to rid ourselves of them.

Video games, toys, expensive cars, the latest technology, DVDs, CDs, brand name clothes, expensive furniture, decorations; these are all possessions that inhibit our view and excitement of life. We are a consumerist economy, working long hours at jobs we hate to buy shit we don't need. We have become so dependent on these useless objects that they themselves have become who we are. We no longer know how to enjoy or experience life without them, and because of them we become jealous of others, sacrifice ourselves for them, and even start wars over them. 

Are we defined by what we own, or are we defined by who we are as a person. I used to think the latter, but the line giving us a clear view into ourselves has been skewed by the former. I no longer want any part of this greed or this vicious cycle taking me further and further away from what I want out of life, what I have come to know life to be.

I've been corrupted. For so long I've not known what to do with my life, both scared of how the choices I make will be the "only path" I'm allowed to travel on, and scared of how I will be able to get there. No longer. These distractions and worries are a hinderance that are preventing me from enjoying life. Many people have asked, "What's your plan in life, what do you want to achieve through this?" I believe the answer is simple, 

There is no plan, the only constant is to live.

What else is there? Is it better to die at an elderly age, safe and secure with your nice home, nice family, nice car, and stable income? Or is it better to die young, having experienced hundreds of cultures, religions and lives that could not be fully appreciated taking it in mediocrity? I refuse to subject myself to the safeties and securities that others cling to with their lives. I refuse to let experiences pass me by, and I refuse to be held back by family, finances, or petty fear. 

Let me tell you who I am:

I am a product of change. I've never been able to decide on a career choice that will be my 'life career.' Because of this, I've become lost in translation, stuck  in the inevitable consumeristic cycle.  The thought of stagnation in anything leads me to failure. I am restructuring my life to remove worldly possessions i desire, cherish, and strive for; it is only a distraction. I now realize that everything I do, the people I associate with and the items I buy are all worthless distractions. They distract from the now, they distract from what I truly desire: simplicity, peace of mind, and above all, change. I now realize that life is an experience that can not be appreciated through any of these mediums. 

I'm tired of living the way I've been living, and I'm tired of being too big of a pussy to do anything about it. I'm tired of worrying about what might happen, and I'm tired of being a slave to safety. It gives me nothing I want, and satisfies me in the least bit. It's time to move on.